About me - my life and anorexia

My name is Kathryn, I’m 16, and i’m a recovering anorexic.

I wanted to share some background with you so you know who the girl is sitting behind the computer writing this blog.

I live at home with my parents, no brothers or sisters but 3 very adorable kittys J I had had an ordinary childhood, living with my mum and dad who made sure I had the best upbringing in a secure little family unit. I was happy, until anorexia started to creep in.

It all started in the summer of 2009. I decided that if I were to ensure a happy time throughout high school that I needed to fit in, or at least not stand out. In my mind, the best way to do that was to keep slim, pretty and proceed through school without drawing any un-necessary attention to myself. So I decided that that summer would be the one that I would make the changes. I would cut out the junk, exercise frequently instead of watching re runs of the Simpsons all day and become super healthy! That lasted for a while, but soon the ideal started to turn into a nightmare.

Eating ‘healthily’ throughout the summer resulted in the loss of a few pounds. I wasn’t expecting weight loss, it sort of came as an added bonus. But as soon as I saw my weight drop, something must have clicked, and from then on it would be impossible to turn back.

Losing weight continued through the summer, into the fall and over my birthday in october. My friends had made me a birthday cake and I felt obliged to eat a piece for them. It must have been the tiniest piece you ever saw, but this triggered more reducing and more exercise. Unaware, I was slowly falling into anorexia’s trap.

Christmas is usually a time when people celebrate and throw caution to the wind when it comes to dieting. By the time Christmas came, I was fully in the grips of anorexia. I was dreading it. I could think of nothing worse than sitting down to a full roast dinner with all the trimmings, followed by cake/pudding/mince pie/ice cream etc, combined with minimal movement, this was my idea of hell! Somehow I struggled through the day, eating what must of looked like mouse’s portions, but to me they were giant’s.

In March 2010, I got referred through the GP to a child and family clinic where I spent 2 months attending appointments with social workers and 2 months defying every suggestion that they made. I lost more weight in those two months than I had ever done. All the while I was getting weaker, but that didn’t bother me. I couldn’t understand why these people wanted me so badly to be fat.

Eventually, the family clinic referred me to a specialist eating disorders nurse. To call her is a life saver is an understatement.  I just didn’t know it yet.

Again, I was being told I had to eat, I had to gain weight, or I would have to go inpatient. This information evidently didn’t hold any threat to me and I carried on lying about food, hiding it and over exercising.  Every symptom that anorexia presented I had, it’s only now looking back I can see that. I had stopped going to school due to my low weight. Every part of my life was being controlled by the beast.

In may 2010, I was told I had to be admitted to an eating disorders unit due to the dangerously low weight I was at and the behaviours that I continued to show.

I spent the day in tears, complete emotional agony at the thought of being taken away from my family and force fed until I was a ‘healthy’ weight.

I call it ‘black Thursday’.

Something, I don’t know what, must have clicked when I was told that.  I was determined not to leave my family, I was going to get better at home. I was going to beat anorexia.

From that day until now, I have worked my butt off to get anorexia out of my life once and for all. I’ve gained back all the weight I lost and I am now at a healthy weight. It’s been the toughest thing I have done and I have a long way yet to go, but I can honestly and proudly say that I am winning the battle.

I felt that I wanted to be able to help other people like my eating disorders nurse has done and continues to do for me, hence the reason I started this blog.

I hope by reading this and by seeing that it is possible to turn your life around, it will inspire many people to do the same as I did all those months ago. It's far from easy, but so worth it in the end.

Please comment and share your story!